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The Wrong Way to the Parthenon

I always loved Greece.  To clarify, I always loved Ancient Greece, having grown up on “The Trojan War and Its Heroes” (a masterful retelling of the story old as time for elementary school age children, with delicate silhouette illustrations in which I colored in the hair of every single Achaean), “Adventures of Odysseus” (which always made me uneasy because his 20 year absence from home seemed like a little longer than a lifetime to a seven year old me), and “Legends and Myths of Ancient Greece” (a compilation so complete that I would venture to guess that it contained a story of Zeus turning into almost every creature in Greek fauna to pursue various women—and why that would be more attractive than if he simply appeared to them as a handsome guy is something that I took as Olympian Gospel).

My other source of information about Greece was, of course, my beloved childhood encyclopedia, “What is this, who is that?”  https://oldladywriting.com/2019/11/03/liechtenstein/ It contained not only an article on Greece, but one on “Ancient Greeks” and one on the “Acropolis”.  It stated, quite inarguably, that Parthenon is one of mankind’s most marvelous creations.  But, the article grimly concluded, it exploded in 1687.  Given that this was before the internet, and in the USSR to boot, even imagining the Parthenon’s remnants was beyond the possible.

And so, when the first Big Birthday that we could afford to celebrate with a Big Trip was nigh, we went to Greece. 

These ARE the actual shoes I wore in Greece. And now think, do they look like they would work well on such trip? On any trip, except to the mailbox? I rest my case.

The year was 2007, and it was my last vacation with a non-digital camera.  Because we could afford to splurge for a milestone birthday, I took four rolls of film for a week’s vacation.  Coincidentally, this is the same number of photos I took over an entire summer in Europe almost 20 years earlier.  I also would like to have said that it was my last vacation for wearing uncomfortable shoes.  But, alas, it was not.  I am kind of known (not widely, only within my family) as someone who brings the wrong footwear on vacation.  There have been a few vacations during which a day is dedicated to looking for new shoes for me, because the ones I am wearing are literally trying to kill me.  A useful tip: if you have freakishly giant double extra wide size 42s, do not attempt to shop for ladies boots in Paris. It is an exercise in frustration, and a waste of time.

And so, armed with several useless phrases picked up from a talking parrot of a Greek guy I used to know, lousy shoes, analog camera, but strong knowledge of Greek cuisine (because we live near one of the best Greektowns in the US, if not THE best) as well as strong knowledge of Greek mythology, we arrived.

Our base was a timeshare in Marathon, which is literally marathon distance to Athens.  We never ran or even walked there, because, first, it was long before my running days, and second, it is apparently uphill for half the distance.  It is pretty much the toughest race one can run, which explains a lot about Philippides’ fate upon completing it.  We took a bus every day, which was not physically exhausting, but mentally taxing.  First, it was never quite clear when the bus left Marathon.  There was an hourly schedule, but it was not even loosely followed.  We often had to just meander along the route with the hope that the bus will overtake us as some point during the 26 mile journey, and preferably sooner than later, because Greece is hot in June.  Second, it was completely unclear what bus would take us back to Marathon from Athens.  Every evening, we would wander through the bus park, leaning into every one and yelling “Maratonas?”  Depending on the reaction of the driver, we would board the bus, which took a different route back every.single.time.  And finally, the highlight of the Athens-Marathon trip was when one fine evening, the bus was abruptly stopped in the middle of the road and boarded by heavily armed Greeks in military uniforms who roughly removed an unprotesting and guilty-looking young man.  We recognized him as an employee of the resort where we were staying and from whom we bought sunscreen the previous day.

The resort, aside from apparently employing at least one known shady character, was lovely.  June is not yet a busy time in Europe, so we had it almost entirely to ourselves.  Upon arrival, I promptly invested in a bar card so that I could enjoy local libations every evening.  But, as it was not full tourist season, the bar was sparsely stocked.  So, spouse drank Greek beer while I drank ouzo like it was my job.  Funny thing about ouzo, though—you really cannot drink too much of it.  And so it was two beers and two ouzo[s] every night.  I also bought a box (yes, you read that right) of retsina at the resort shop, along with a small fortune in sunscreen and bandaids.  I have not drank retsina since, as that box did not make much of an impression.  I am not sure I have had ouzo since.  I still sort of associate it with duty rather than pleasure.

The resort had a breakfast buffet which we enjoyed the first morning.  And the second, but less so.  By the third, we thought the scrambled eggs looked familiar, as in they seemed to look literally exactly the same as the day before.  By the fourth day, they were turning green, along with the ham.  We stopped eating there after that.

So, the first day of the vacation we, of course, decided to see the Parthenon.  We arrived at the Acropolis and entered through some gate at the foot of the hill.  From there, we had to choose to turn right or left.  The map we had (for of course this was before GPS as well) did not help with choosing the direction, and being mindful of the fact that most people would go right, we went left. 

The trip up the Acropolis hill was literally a long and winding road.  Along the way, we encountered a couple of Russians loudly arguing in the shrubbery and predictably calling each other “goat”, giant turtles crawling around in a friendly manner, an ancient amphitheater, and many other similar curiosities during a two hour trek in 100 degree heat wearing entirely unsuitable shoes.  Approaching the entrance to the Parthenon, fainting from exhaustion and practically falling on the seller of water and ice cream, we realized that had we turned right when we first arrived, we would have been right around the corner from the ticket booth…

You would think we would have learned something from this experience—and you would be wrong.  A couple of days later we went to Corinth, determined to check out where St. Paul preached to the Corinthians.  We walked and walked, but nothing in town looked like the ancient Corinth of my imagination.  Surprise—we took the wrong turn yet again, as there is New Corinth and Ancient Corinth.  We did eventually find the latter, complete with the exact spot on which St. Paul once stood.  I mean, he must have—the place is not that big.

And finally, the one place where nothing went wrong during our trip was the National Archaeological Museum of Athens.  We spent almost an entire day there.  The highlights included the famous Mask of Agamemnon (quite an ugly mug completely dissimilar from the lovely drawings in my childhood book), kouros statues about which I also learned in childhood (clearly I was a very well-informed kid), and busts of all the Roman emperors in chronological order, which I tried to identify by using my extensive knowledge thereof acquired entirely from the Marcus Didius Falco novels by Lindsey Davis. http://www.lindseydavis.co.uk/

As for the famous Greek Islands, we did not visit them.  We did go to one, Aegina, because it is the closest to Athens, and a fast boat gets you there from the Port of Piraeus in about 40 minutes.  Maybe next time.

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All My World Is a Stage

In my pre-plague life, I never had a spare weekend.  I [used to] see a lot of live theater.  Over the past couple of decades, most other hobbies fell by the wayside as this one escalated.

A few people asked me about the origins of this love.  One was Geraint Wyn Davies[1].  He was just being polite and making small talk, but I launched into some inane monologue of sharing a birthplace with the first professional theater in Russia, the Volkov, named after its founder, Fedor Volkov.  This is factually true, but really, in my day the Volkov was a disaster.  It is a gorgeous classical building of pale yellow, with white columns and ornate façade, second in appearance only to the Bolshoi.  Many famous theaters are so nondescript from the outside.  The House that Moliere Built is simply stunning in its unimpressiveness, despite being home to the largest and deepest stage I have ever seen.  But the Volkov is beautiful, and sits in a strategic location, facing the large round Volkov square containing the statue of Fedor Volkov himself (no surprise),

and one of the oldest historic monuments in town, the 17th century Banner (Znamenskaya) Tower.  It is a spectacle—but a spectacle that used to be entirely external. 

Oh, to be sure, it is also magnificent inside—with its marble red-carpeted stairs, frescoed walls, sculpted ceiling, velvet curtains, and a buffet serving delectable pastries.  Unfortunately, what used to happen on stage in the ‘70s was either stale plays by Ostrovsky (in all fairness, I have never seen or read any of them), stock Communist plays (I have certainly never seen those either), Nutcracker (with substandard local or traveling cast), and an occasional Moliere or other permissible Western classic (performed in a standard static declamatory style).  Before the Young Viewer’s Theater was built (after my time), my class would occasionally troop over to the Volkov on a field trip to see a morality play about the Young Pioneers. 

The pastries were always excellent!

Right before we left the Soviet Union forever, my grandmother and I spent a few days in Moscow.  The family friend with whom we stayed knew someone who worked at the Satire Theatre, and managed to get us in to see “Pippi Longstocking”.  If one was to have such luck as to get into the Satire, or really any Moscow theater in those days, one would be hard pressed to find anything less exciting than “Pippi Longstocking”.  Nonetheless, as proverbial beggars cannot be choosers, it was still thrilling.  There were a couple of actors whom I knew from TV, and that was enough.  I still recall one tune from the musical, for that is indeed what it was, and that is no small measure of an impression it made on me almost 40 years ago.  I never heard this tune again except in my head.  Those were the days when memories were made.

In the US, we were astonished to learn, theater tickets were distributed on a sort of first come, first served basis to those who had the means to pay, rather than on a complicated favoritism scale as a part of a behind the scenes black market economy.  That was an incredible concept, although I did not know the actors and did not want to see them.  Whenever my mother and I found ourselves in New York at the same time, she dragged me to Times Square to stand in line for half price tickets.  The first Broadway play I saw was “Foxfire”, with Jessica Tandy, Hume Cronyn[2], and Keith Carradine.  We must have already been living in the US for a bit, because I knew who Keith Carradine was[3].  I understood almost nothing, as my English was so poor and certainly not theater-ready at the time, but I did understand that I was in the presence of greatness.  I held on to the memory and still cherish.  I wish I had kept the program…

We saw a few great shows over the years when I was in high school: several G&S productions https://oldladywriting.com/2020/03/29/it-is-a-glorious-thing/, and an amazing production of “As You Like It” in Jackson before Michigan Shakespeare Festival settled there. https://www.michiganshakespearefestival.com/   It is still the gold standard for that play for me.  Each act was done in a different setting.  The city was all shades of gray and furs and muffs, the forest was all pastels, and the rest I do not remember.  Nonetheless, for what was my first encounter with Shakespeare in the language I was still learning, it certainly left a lasting impression.  But the real theater life started in Fort Worth.

When I was in college and my parents (I use the term loosely when it includes my late stepfather) lived in Fort Worth, they discovered a small regional theater called Stage West. https://stagewest.org/  In a tiny space of about 100 seats, they used to put on a fantastic variety of plays—and still do.  My first exposure was to a dysfunctional comedy at Christmas called “Seasons Greetings”—we still laugh about “Pig number one, pig number two”, although I have never seen it performed since.  From then on, every time I visited my parents, we would go to Stage West.  It was always a delight, with an underlying feeling of uncomfortable incredulity about how a troop of local actors in some shed on a rough dockyard-like street would do a better artistic job than the permanent staff of the oldest professional theater in all of Russia, working in a gorgeous building with delicious pastries.

As an aside, I had the great fortune of revisiting Stage West a few years ago during a work conference in Dallas.  My mother joined me, and we saw Stoppard’s “The Real Thing”.  As a purportedly more sophisticated theater goer after the passage of almost three decades, I was still astonished.  It was a world-class production.  And one of those moments when I said to myself, I am the luckiest girl in the world.  Gosh, I just live for those moments!

And then there came Stratford.  https://www.stratfordfestival.ca/  This is a story that has been told often, and at almost every Stratford social event.  It is just a conversation starter—how long have you been coming, what was your first experience?  In my young married life, theater was not a factor, as we had neither time nor money, and never both at the same time.  One fine day in 1996, my college friend suggested a girlfriends’ day to see a play.  So the three of us drove three hours, arrived on a rain-soaked Saturday in August, ate some weird concoction prepared by one of us (not me!) for lunch in the car, and entered the Festival Theatre to behold the great William Hutt as King Lear.  It was unquestionably one of the defining moments of my life. I wish I had kept the program…

Initially it was an annual trip.  Initially it was just Shakespeare.  Then we added other shows that sounded interesting, and once a season became not enough.  Then some years later my friend lost interest and was replaced by my spouse.  Then my kids started coming, and several other friends came along, and I even went by myself once when I could not sell anyone on “Fuenteovejuna”[4].

Along the way, I started to go to the theater everywhere I have traveled for work or leisure, and then planning trips with seeing plays as the goal.  It became my identity— “I go to the theater”.  It is what I do and who I am.  For the time being, I do not and I am not.  It feels like an intermission of my life.  With theaters closed for the foreseeable future, I no longer know who I am and what to do with my after-work life.  As I see it, I have two options:  (1) reinvent and find some new interests, or (2) hunker down with my memories and wait it out.  Or maybe both?  Stay tuned…

The new Tom Patterson theater–as of this writing, it has not yet opened…

[1] I am just name dropping here. J

[2] Is it a coincidence that Hume Cronyn is Canadian?  I think not.

[3] I saw Keith Carradine on a BroadwayCon panel a few years ago, and he actually mentioned “Foxfire” with fondness.  What a full circle!

[4] Anyone who has not seen this Stratford production should be living with regrets.  I am just saying.